Learn to love the ride

This is the theme song to the Showtime series "The United States of Tara."


Learn to love the ride


Open up the sky

This mess is getting high

It’s windy and our family needs a ride

I know we’ll be just fine

When we learn to love the ride


By Tim DeLaughter of the Polyphonic Spree

The last two lines speak volumes to me. "I know we'll be just fine when we learn to love the ride." When I look back and see lots of things that were fulfillment of goals, I realize that the "ride" was living and the "fulfillment" was the prize. Even without the prize, I have lived and that is the most important part. I love the ride even when I am scared shitless.

I know I'll be just fine because I've learned to love the ride

Self-Pity

Self-Pity can come from negative things like losing a job but to focus on it only makes your state worse. Don't deny the things that went wrong but do look for the things that are going right.

I was upset with a misogynistic, manipulative and disrespectful coworker. He is very unhappy and makes himself physically ill from the things he does. I am not that way. I know to respect others and myself. This higher trait is something that keeps me going.

I am getting paid until next October even though my contract ends in May. I have a nice apt that I consider to be a sanctuary. It may not have everything I want in it but it is my corner of the world that for me is safe. I have a nice car and although I may need to get a different one, I know that I am okay for now.

I have some great coworkers that I never want to forget. They are so special to me. I have great students that I know will be even greater in the future.

There are many other things and while the negative is in the forefront, I must remember those things that are good. I am a good person and a GOOD SOUTHERN MAN.

My Job Has Ended

Well, I got the news today that I did not get the job I was going for. There is a chance that a position will open but I will not cross my fingers. Hmm. I am sort of in a state of shock. I have gone through so many emotions about it and am just at a waterfall that is too heavy for the dam. I know when it breaks it will feel so much better but I can't force it. I have had a glass of wine and will probably have more but I think I will be better tomorrow. There is a tremendous amount of shame and inadequacy that I feel but I know I shouldn't. If you feel it, you must process it. I know this will give me a chance to finish my Doctorate and do wonderful things. Well, I feel the wines effect. I must end for now. Thanks for reading.

Aniticipation

"Anticipation, anticipa-a-tion, it's making me wait."

This song keeps going through my head these days. I remember this from my childhood being the jingle for Heinz Ketchup. I am waiting to find out if I got the job next year or not. At this moment the anticipation is much worse than the answer until the answer comes and it isn't what I want to hear. LOL.

Speaking of Ketchup... My Latino friend said that My last name in Spanish is Del Monte. LOL. Wrong brand but just as anticipatory.

Watch the 1980 Heinz Ketchup anticipation commercial.