NIce Quote

Reflect upon your present blessings, of which every man has many--not
on your past misfortunes, of which all men have some.

-- Charles Dickens (1812-1870) English Novelist

My Present Blessings:

My Health: I had some physical problems at the end of the Spring semester of 2011. Much of it had to do with stress. That is what happens when you spread yourself too thin. It was also that I made some bad dietary choices and remained sedentary. Thankfully, my diet has changed by the incorporation of healthy choices. I have also started to exercise. My routines of diet and exercise wain at times but that is of no matter. I am so much healthier now and the physical problems have gone away.

Acceptance from others: My skin still wants to flair up from time to time (especially with the folliculitis barbae traumatica) it is not life-threatening but I am now surrounding myself with positive people rather than vain people who know that I am doing what is necessary to treat my skin properly and accept me with or without the pimples. These people see me the same whether I dye my hair or change my appearance. They love me and see the beautiful ME inside.

Acceptance of self: The southern way of life is a bit different than this southwestern way of life. In the South, we want to depend on each other HEAVILY for communities sake and South-westerners are so independent that they feel this to be a codependent or controlling scheme. They tend to be loners and cut ties with anyone at anytime for any reason. I feel like I have lived here long enough to get the best of both worlds. It is much like the airplane safety tips: secure your mask before assisting other passengers. I now want to know what I think and feel first. Those feelings are valid no matter the judgement of others. We must honor them and acknowledge without judgement of ourselves. I can trust myself again. I am happy being in my own skin. I am happy being in nature. I am happy being with fellow human beings whose opinions are both the same and different from mine. So the Southwest gives me ME while the South gives me others. True acceptance of self comes by accepting humanity inwardly and outwardly.

I work: Although my job has an expiration date, I am still employed and am thankful for that. My support system at work has been less than understanding. I made some rookie mistakes and gained a plethora of experience. I see that everything is a matter of perspective. Thankfully, I have conquered those bad events that happened while I was in college but I still had to sing then. I was not always at my best and that news travels. When I started this job, I still had what I call residuals that would creep in. I sometimes compare them to aftershocks of an earthquake. The big one has hit but you will still have minor ones as a reaction to the big one until it just stops one day. Thankfully, I think the residuals are over. I proved this in Guatemala. I was sick for the first performance but still sang and was determined to conquer the 2nd performance with or without the sickness. I became that performer that was inside of me. He finally had no one telling him that his track record was this so these are the expectations. It was brand new. I not only sang with good technique and sensitive musicality but with heart and mind and body. This lets me know that I am back on track and I can't wait for the next adventure. This is not the first time that a small minded man has controlled my performance negatively but with this renewed sense of self, this very well could be the last time. Instead of bowing down to others needs, I need to say "HEY! Wait a minute! That isn't fair!" and if I lose my job for that then it will be for a noble cause. I see now that it is just a job. My career awaits.

Family: I at one point was so mad at my family for not accepting my homosexuality and then it hit me. I didn't accept them for being Southern Baptist or for being Christian for that matter, I didn't accept them for being voting members of the Republican party, and I didn't accept them for recognizing my brother's wives but never concerning themselves with my companions. Instead of trying to change them, I decided to change myself by accepting them no matter what they believed or did. It took some time but now I talk to them regularly and can say that made me happy or that made me mad or that made me sad. What they do with it is their business but a conversation about five years ago confirmed that the bottom line is love. I love them and they love me. I accept them and they accept me.

Friends: Once I felt that I had to hold on to friendships. I realized this was much like some of my students holding on to their voice. Let it go I would say. It will be there whether you hold on to it or not I would say. I have hence stopped holding on to people and have feed my friendships just by being there. One relationship confused me tremendously. I thought since we were long term friends that we had to be best friends and I tried and tried to make it work to the point that we would stop the friendship at times. I know realize that she is not my best friend but my family and it is not necessary to try and make her anything more or less. It is what it is. This had made way for true best friends. Some exes make the best friends as well as mentors and then there is the happenstance of the happy person at a party who you makes you laugh and you make her laugh and you want that to continue so you become best friends. I truly love my friends.

Bottom-line: I am a worthy person as well as everyone else on this planet. When I see that, I am happy. People who have done me wrong are worthy in that they taught me a life lesson. People who I have done wrong have the most sincere apology from me. A bull doesn't intentionally break the china in the shop and I feel that way many times but the china is still broken as a result of my entering the shop. I apologize for those times as well. I have just received some surprisingly wonderful news which is the reason for the post. I passed two of my comps and will pass two more in March!! My job is over at the end of the Spring semester so I don't have to be loyal to extra-curricular activity and refocus on my doctorate. I am waiting for some books to come in the mail to read for my doctorate and I have set up tutoring with a very nice and intelligent professor at UT. Life is a beautiful thing and when you spin the wheels the ride gets very exciting.

As always, this is unedited free-thought so certain things may not make sense but I hope you enjoy the quote and see that you too have so many blessings.

Love and Peace always!!!